The Long Version

Retired broadcast journalist. Blogging helps scratch the itch. Recovering exRepublican – Sober and still Conservative.

Obamacare: The Florist Version

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Obama FlowersWhat would it be like if the floral industry operated under a law like the Affordable Care Act?  Here’s a glimpse at what it might be like trying to order a bouquet of flowers under such a scenario.

This is pretty funny…or not…

Receptionist:  Hello, Welcome to Obama Flowers, My name is Trina. How can I help you?

Customer:  Hello.  I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.

Receptionist:  Yes!  I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you.

Customer:  Thanks, I ordered a “Spring Bouquet” for our anniversary, and wanted it  delivered to my wife.

Receptionist:  Interrupting, Sir, “Spring Bouquets” do not meet our  minimum standards, I will  be happy to provide you with Red Roses.

Customer:  But I have always ordered “Spring Bouquets”, done it  for years, my wife likes them.

Receptionist:  Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them.

Customer: Well, how much are  they?

Receptionist: It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package.

Customer: What’s the difference?

Receptionist: 6, 12,18 or 24 Red Roses.

Customer: The Silver package may be okay, how much is it?

Receptionist: It depends sir, what is your monthly income?

Customer: What does that have to do with anything?

Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department.

Customer: FlowerAid?

Receptionist: Yes, Flowers are a right.  Everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.

Customer: Who said they were a right?

Receptionist: Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it constitutional.

Customer: Whoa!  I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding flowers as a right.

Receptionist:  It is not really a Right in the Constitution, but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court  Ruled it a “Tax”. Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a right.

Customer: I don’t believe this.

Receptionist: It’s the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is your monthly income sir?

Customer: Forget it, I think I will forgo the flowers this year.

Receptionist: In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.

Customer: Why?

Receptionist: To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost would be.

Customer: WHAT?  You can’t charge me for NOT buying flowers!

Receptionist: It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income.

Customer interrupting: This is ridiculous, I’ll pay the $9.50.

Receptionist: Sir, it is $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.

Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!

Receptionist: Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.

Customer: Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going  to pay it.

Receptionist: Sorry to hear that sir.  That’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.

Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?

Receptionist: So they get your GPS coordinates sir.

Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door.

Customer: Hold on for a minute, there’s someone at my door.

Receptionist: That would be the IRS sir.  Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers.  Have a nice day and God Bless America.

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Written by DCL

December 6, 2013 at 1:46 pm

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